Poem : Lines from Depression : The Prequel

I wrote this poem long ago , don’t remember why , but I slowly think I recall what made me so sad because I’m being chased , chased by a monster who won’t give up , until then .

When a  drop of the ocean sinks deep down ,To a place that has no meaning .
Where hope is missing , 

And life has no reason .
When no one understands you ,

And everyone beguiles you . 
When you feel less than a sand grain in the desert ,

When everyone you care about slowly tear you apart. 
When you want to kill yourself ,

Fast but not physically painful,

Listen to the people around you ,

Who make life less than worthless .
Words are thrown like shards into your tiny heart and looks like swords.
When moments of life get murdered , 

When life defines death .
Wishing that life will come together again ,

Until that day , you keep living .
Living a life that has no reason ,

Life where moments if happiness are overshadowed by the sad ones .
When life is incomplete .
But even a grain of sand has value 

Little Miss Perfect

It’s funny how everyone expects you to be perfect , even when its impossible for anyone to be perfect by universal standards . Sure you may be perfect to some people but there are always people who will judge you , criticize you and expect you to be perfect.
I realize that everyone’s imperfect , I know there are certain things that one can’t change about themselves and they shouldn’t have to .
Insecurity is one of the biggest issues I’m dealing with . When combined with Perfectionism , it’s nothing less of a monster . It’s sad when the only thing you notice about yourself are your flaws and your mistakes.
Things don’t get any better when your parents pile on this huge bundle of expectations . I can’t be the “ideal” daughter but they fail to understand that . If I can accept that they are not perfect , why can’t they do the same for me ?
Is it selfish of me to ask everyone to stop worrying about me so much ? To stop finding more faults ? To stop comparing ? 
Multiple time have my parents compared me with my friends , despite them not knowing facts . I’m the devil , my friends are angels . I can’t be as studious as my smart friends , I can’t be as as sporty as the athletes , I can’t dance like a ballerina . 
Mistakes are meant to be made . You never learn from being right . Yet, when every mistake is an oppurtunity for someone to degrade you or insult you , you find yourself guarding your every move .
To my parents , and to everyone out there , I’m never going to be Little Miss Perfect , neither do I intend on being one . I do intend on being me , an insecure , “ugly” , “lazy” , “foolish” girl . 

Dying Nature 

Dying Nature 

Submerged in a layer of algae and oil , plastic and glass , the creatures slowly succumbed to suffocation , never to see the sunlight again . The water slowly evaporated and whatever was left off turned black . Pitch black . Mother Earth cried tears , salty tears which weren’t enough to regenerate the water body , cursed the people who trashed it but ended blaming herself for spoiling them and letting them do whatever they want .
The beach drowned in it’s own waste . Painfully , but unnoticed . No one helped him , everyone deserted him , That’s basic human nature isn’t it ? Desert people when they are of no use to you . Is it not time we change ? Change our ways , or wasteful ways , our dangerous ways , our destrctive ways to something that can help sustain future life . 
Ships continued to sail but not one sailor looked over to see the captivating beach turn decaptivating . Everyone went their own way . Birds flew over it , murmuring their sadness of not being able to do anything . Salty tears overtook the beach . We all sat and watched , not one of us stood up. 
That’s how the beach ‘suicided’ or was unintentionally murdered by none other than the most developed yet the most selfish and cruel species – humans . 

We overlook her tears , we continue to suffocate her creations . We blame her for providing us enough , when we waste whatever’s available . We blame each other , but what good does that do ? It’s our collective responsibility to protect our Earth . Not one individual’s resposibility .
A lot of people are under the misconception that to saving the earth requires a lot of financial resources . In some areas , it does but throwing trash where it belongs itself helps a lot . Maybe try using paper bags , not all at once , that would be tedious , slowly but gradually reducing their use . Buy a seed ? Plant small plants , it still is involved in the process of photosynthesis , it can still give the ecosystem a tiny bit of oxygen , which may just be enough. No need to for marches or intensive programs to save nature if you don’t want to , tiny things like recycling and resuing . At this stage and rate of development of life , it is practically impossible to reduce utilization of resources , however much we want to reduce , so reusing whatever large amount of bags and paper and bottles and clothes we have would do great help , even if it looks tiny .

Conquering My Inner Introvert – Part 2

Daily Prompt – Label

Consider this a Part 2 to one of my previous posts.

In my last post, I wrote about how being an introvert is fine and there is nothing wrong with it. But, boy was I wrong.

Being an introvert is wrong in so many ways. It’s bad that you prefer being alone. It’s bad that you don’t want to talk to anyone. It’s weird when you rather listen than speak. It’s wrong when every attribute of yourself doesn’t portray “good manners”

That’s all I was told years ago when I used to be quiet when I was happy with myself and I wasn’t regretting every other word I said. Then it all changed. Changed me into an over talkative girl whose only desire in life is to “speak”. If I act the slightest bit different something is wrong . I loved myself the way I was, I didn’t care that I was quiet, I didn’t care that I only liked to speak occasionally.

I’m now labeled as an extrovert. I’m labeled as a “desired” version of myself. I would call myself a great actress, fooled everyone, didn’t I? But am I proud of it? No .

But everyone else did, everyone else thought I had a bad upbringing. Being quiet doesn’t make you a bad person, judging someone for something they can’t change is. I’m not blaming anyone, I’m stating the irreversible change they brought.

A change that I loathe, A change that I wish never happened. I question myself every day. Why did I ever change ? Why didn’t I ever just stick to who I was? Then I had my answer – Social Stigma. I’ve always changed myself into what I’m perceived as by others. I hardly ever like to voice my thoughts, but look at me, that’s the only thing I do. The pain that pangs my heart when my true self is slowly dying. Everyone else likes me the way I am now, but I don’t.

I like myself as a public speaker and someone who like improvisation. But that’s the only form of speaking I get. It’s not uncommon for no one to understand me. No has truly transformed them for the worse like me.

I still wonder if I could ever change . Then I realize that I would have to listen to everyone else’s worries. Why is being an introvert a worry? Why is being who you want a worry? As long as you aren’t hurting anyone, it shouldn’t matter. I love myself the way I used to be, I despise myself for the way I am now, despise myself for being a victim of judgment, a victim of social stigma. When I could stand up for everyone else but myself.

To everyone reading this, never change yourself, you’re perfect the way you are and don’t let anyone say otherwise. It’s not too late for me to change, I will try, but I’m not hopeful, something that I should be at this point.

Copycat or Follower ?

This is the generation of trends and challenges . One person shares it , it goes viral and everyone’s doing it . A great example is the Mannequin Challenge . 

But has it gone overboard and have the challenges become less and less overboard ? The truth is that the challenges themselves have gone overboard and have reduced in originality . However , I do enjoy that a lot of people come together in these challenges and for once our disunited world is once again united .

There are some trends and challenges where so many people do it to the point where it becomes absolutely boring . Similar to how we get tired of a song after listening to it multiple times , challenges and trends get boring after a while .When it comes to challenges and trends , I’d call the people responding to it followers because they like the trend and they follow it , even though not religiously. 

It’s sad to see that almost anything and everything is considered ‘original’ nowadays . Let’s take the overgrowing popularity of slime for example , everyone makes the exact same slime , same color , same texture but they all have different names , so it’s deemed ‘original’ . If that were the case companies could easily replicate popular products , rename it and call it original . The thing is that in an effort to be nice people encourage such ‘originality’ . Appreciate the creators , but respectfully and politely criticise them as well .

We shouldn’t create a false sense of pride in anyone’s head , neither should we demean them to a point where they lose all their self esteem .

Everything needs to be done in balance . Balance is what’s missing in this world.  

In the end , All I would to say that in such trends and challenges stay true to them but add in something of your own which makes people distinguish your response or version . I’d like more originality in challenges , but in the end , hey ! It’s all about having fun !

Conquering Our Inner Introvert

Daily Prompt – Conquer

Introverts . Mysterious, Quiet, Observer. Words that are used to describe each other. Introverts are people who are generally more attentive, listen and take logical decisions as opposed to hasty ones.

It’s hard for an introvert nowadays, you always get judged. I for one used to be an introvert, I still like to think of myself as one, but I’m sure many people disagree. So for now and possibly forever, I define myself – an ambivert.

Being a quiet person in general, it was hard for me to open up to anyone, including family. I prefer being in my own shell of books, technology, and music. A lot of people call me reclusive, but I call myself independent, not financially but I am independent in the sense I can occupy myself without other’s assistance.

Conquering our Inner Introvert sounds as if being an introvert is wrong, it isn’t at all. Having attributes from both extroverts and introverts, I’d say I prefer introverts over extroverts any day. I’m a hypocrite here, though, as I pretend to be a cheery, bubbly, attention seeking extrovert all day because that’s apparently my ‘image’. If I act any differently from that, it is considered ‘weird’ or ‘unusual’. I hate myself for succumbing to pressure and changing my identity to someone I’m not.

I like to be alone. I recharge myself when I’m alone, yet I’m forced to be around people because that shows ‘good manners’.

Introverts aren’t perfect. So aren’t extroverts. Being an introvert or extrovert is not a choice, you’re born with it and no one should tell you to change it, whether you are an introvert or an extrovert. It’s time people accepted each other who they are, maybe advise them when they are wrong but never blame someone for not fitting into a certain character which is still prevalent in many societies. Someone who is generally quiet is considered as an ‘ill-mannered’ person. I may not be able to maintain eye contact with everyone and that’s not because I’m lying or I’m nervous, I’m not used to it and I feel uncomfortable.

For all those introverts out there, there is no such thing as Conquering our Inner Introvert. Opening up to people is a different thing and you should take your time with it. Being an introvert isn’t bad. It’s best to keep opinions to yourself and not voice it when unnecessary. Unfortunately, I can’t and that’s sad but I’m slowly working on keeping opinions to myself, not because of fear, but to keep the validity of the opinion as it takes only 10 seconds for an opinion to be declared “not valid”. I might talk about that some other time.

If you are reading this and you are an introvert or know someone who is introverted then please share it with them and tell them to brace their inner introvert.

Please like this post if you can relate to it and share your opinions in the comments below 🙂