I’m not “cool” . Neither am I drop dead gorgeous . Do I wish that I was ? Like most other hormonal 15 year olds , YES . Is it going to happen ? NO ! Am I going to live with it ? YES !
I’ve had self esteem issues for quite a while now and let me tell you that feeling you’re not good enough 24 hours a day isn’t fun at all . It doesn’t make you humble , it just destroys your personality . Like drilling destroys the balance of the earth , this self doubt slowly spreads throughout you and eventually you see trash in the mirror . Even if the trash is gold for everyone else .
I’ve been brought up in this environment where assuring kids that they’re good is looked down upon . Rather questioning a child’s capabilities is favored .
Also , the obsession of this generation with “roasting” and “burning” everyone . Unless you’re a cannibal burning people in the oven you ain’t roasting anyone .
What status are you going to get by putting others down ? Standing up for yourself is different , destryoing people’s worth is cruel and if that makes you happy , well the person getting roasted probably doesn’t feel the same way . And eventually , the people on the receiving sometimes end up thinking that the “roasts” are reality and their actually that .
This self esteem has taken a toll on what I consider to be my talent . I used to love public speaking , I still love it , but the thought of going on a stage terrifies me, almost to the extent that I cried the last time I went up . I really wish I could pity myself , but I realized that isn’t going to do any good . It won’t make a difference .
I see every downfall as ultimate failure ! I don’t have much within me that I can feel good about anyways , but I’ve learnt to accept that it’s close to impossible to get what you really desire . No matter how hard you try , anything you lust for , you’ll never get .
I don’t consider myself pretty in the slightest , I look at myself the opposite way ! God ! The number of times I’ve looked at my face and wanted to exchange it with someone else .Then I realized that it’s probably never going to happen . I look at everyone else on social media and see goddesses everywhere Then I look at my potato self in the mirror , then the self-hatred begins . I could write an entire list of what I hate about myself and it’s probably going to be never ending .
And I’ve learnt to accept that I’ll probably never love myself ever ! No matter how I end up and it’s ok to feel like that . Just don’t let it consume you , because you should’t he your hatred’s prey .
Everyone self loathes , it’s human nature . So the next time you look in the mirro and think you look like a potato , remember french fries are good to look at .
So next time you think you’re not good enough , remind yourself that no one is perfect and if you haven’t found what makes you special yet , remember you still have most of your life left to discover that .
It’s not possible to convince everyone that their pretty , but even if you’re not pretty by normal standards , you’re still worth it . And try not to let anyone tell you otherwise .
And popularity . At the end of the day , no one cares how many friends you have , how many followers you have , how may cronies you have , how many people you can look down upon . Because at the end of the day , you’re still human . And the space you take up isn’t just there for no reason .
Eventually everything will come to place . Until then , munch on some food .