Bipolarity and Me

Hello ! 

Have you wondered what its like having conflicting emotions all the time ? Like being ecstatic at one point , gloomy the next ? It’s funny how most people think of bipolarity and mood swings as the same thing . Yeah , they’re definetely not not similar but they aren’t the same . 

Basically my relationship with my limbic system is the song “i hate u , i love u ” by Gnash .

Most people think its fun to have a mental illness because it makes you different . Well , I definetely want to be different but not because my brain’s being an uncooperative lil piece of crap . Morever , it’s terrible when mental illnesses are attributed to bad uprbringing , like in my case for example .

To explain bipolar disorder , imagine eating fries and watching funny cat moments and the very next moment sitting in a corner bawling your eyes out for no reason .

Wait , there’s a reason . You know that butterfly called emotions , it decided to reverse back into a caterpillar again .

Even the happiest situations can magically transform into depressing ones , just with one click …… of my brain .

It’s crazy to think that one heartbeat you love someone and the next beat they might be dead , because of you .

Now bipolarity can’t be “cured” . It can be controlled …. to an extent . But that won’t ever happen when your surrounded by people who think mental illness is a myth .

Now it isn’t just happy and sad that I’m feeling here , if a mania episode goes bad enough , I might just go to the extent of having bloody visuals of murders , murders done by me . When the episode is over , I look back and think , I thought that ? 

There have been times when I dramaticized situations I should’t have , but I did , and I still can’t figure out exactly why .

There also have been times , standing on the balcony , I almost jumped off , I still wonder what stopped me . I wouldn’t entirely call myself suicidal but apparently a part of me is and I can’t help it . I can’t tell it to change or be happy or be grateful . I wish it were that easy but it isn’t 

I also wish I had an unlimited supply of fries , but that isn’t possible either .

You see all those #relatable posts ? Yeah , if I made one about bipolarity , I wonder how relatable it would be ? How many people would get offended ? How may “scientists” would continue to debunk it , how many more people would do a full analysis of me like I’m some science experiment ? How many would offer sympathy and give reccomnendations on how to “cure it ” ? How many would try to put first world problems as a mental illness . How many would “what about” me ? How many orthodox people would shame me ? 

How many would just accept it , actually understand and move on ?  

Bipolarity isn’t a generic mood swing . It isn’t something to be taken lightly either.