Change Your Outlook

 Bipolarity and Me 

Hello ! 

Have you wondered what its like having conflicting emotions all the time ? Like being ecstatic at one point , gloomy the next ? It’s funny how most people think of bipolarity and mood swings as the same thing . Yeah , they’re definetely not not similar but they aren’t the same . 

Basically my relationship with my limbic system is the song “i hate u , i love u ” by Gnash .

Most people think its fun to have a mental illness because it makes you different . Well , I definetely want to be different but not because my brain’s being an uncooperative lil piece of crap . Morever , it’s terrible when mental illnesses are attributed to bad uprbringing , like in my case for example .

To explain bipolar disorder , imagine eating fries and watching funny cat moments and the very next moment sitting in a corner bawling your eyes out for no reason .

Wait , there’s a reason . You know that butterfly called emotions , it decided to reverse back into a caterpillar again .

Even the happiest situations can magically transform into depressing ones , just with one click …… of my brain .

It’s crazy to think that one heartbeat you love someone and the next beat they might be dead , because of you .

Now bipolarity can’t be “cured” . It can be controlled …. to an extent . But that won’t ever happen when your surrounded by people who think mental illness is a myth .

Now it isn’t just happy and sad that I’m feeling here , if a mania episode goes bad enough , I might just go to the extent of having bloody visuals of murders , murders done by me . When the episode is over , I look back and think , I thought that ? 

There have been times when I dramaticized situations I should’t have , but I did , and I still can’t figure out exactly why .

There also have been times , standing on the balcony , I almost jumped off , I still wonder what stopped me . I wouldn’t entirely call myself suicidal but apparently a part of me is and I can’t help it . I can’t tell it to change or be happy or be grateful . I wish it were that easy but it isn’t 

I also wish I had an unlimited supply of fries , but that isn’t possible either .

You see all those #relatable posts ? Yeah , if I made one about bipolarity , I wonder how relatable it would be ? How many people would get offended ? How may “scientists” would continue to debunk it , how many more people would do a full analysis of me like I’m some science experiment ? How many would offer sympathy and give reccomnendations on how to “cure it ” ? How many would try to put first world problems as a mental illness . How many would “what about” me ? How many orthodox people would shame me ? 

How many would just accept it , actually understand and move on ?  

Bipolarity isn’t a generic mood swing . It isn’t something to be taken lightly either.


11 thoughts on “ Bipolarity and Me ”

  1. I often write about my bipolar type 1 on my blog, but like you, write about other things, too. Anyway, I really appreciated the unique creative way you described bipolar mood swings here. It took them seriously, but did so in a way that expressed how wild it can be. Not necessarily wild in a good way, but wild in a way that it’s a constantly changing ride.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for reading ! Yes Bipolar is truly a terrible condition and it’s time people stop considering it a myth . It is raging wild really . Bipolar type one is Elation with small bouts of depression am I right ? (please correct me if I’m wrong )

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Hi Gauri. Bipolar type 1 has full blown manias and can have any length of bouts of depression. Mania is most often advertised to the public as being elated type, but mania can also be very irritable (to tirades or even violence), or mixed with full mania and depression symptoms together. Even the Bipolar type 2 hypomanias can be elated, irritable, or mixed.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Hey! It’s Jesse (from toontown lol) and I just wanted to say I am so sorry that you have to deal with this. I can’t understand maybe fully, but I have major depressive disorder and anxiety disorder and I understand those who shame you and don’t understand you and want to act like you just need positive happy thoughts to change your life. It sucks because it is not that simple. When will people realize it’s an illness, like any physical one? I feel ya girl. Thanks for sharing 😊

    Liked by 1 person

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