Consider this a Part 2 to one of my previous posts.
In my last post, I wrote about how being an introvert is fine and there is nothing wrong with it. But, boy was I wrong.
Being an introvert is wrong in so many ways. It’s bad that you prefer being alone. It’s bad that you don’t want to talk to anyone. It’s weird when you rather listen than speak. It’s wrong when every attribute of yourself doesn’t portray “good manners”
That’s all I was told years ago when I used to be quiet when I was happy with myself and I wasn’t regretting every other word I said. Then it all changed. Changed me into an over talkative girl whose only desire in life is to “speak”. If I act the slightest bit different something is wrong . I loved myself the way I was, I didn’t care that I was quiet, I didn’t care that I only liked to speak occasionally.
I’m now labeled as an extrovert. I’m labeled as a “desired” version of myself. I would call myself a great actress, fooled everyone, didn’t I? But am I proud of it? No .
But everyone else did, everyone else thought I had a bad upbringing. Being quiet doesn’t make you a bad person, judging someone for something they can’t change is. I’m not blaming anyone, I’m stating the irreversible change they brought.
A change that I loathe, A change that I wish never happened. I question myself every day. Why did I ever change ? Why didn’t I ever just stick to who I was? Then I had my answer – Social Stigma. I’ve always changed myself into what I’m perceived as by others. I hardly ever like to voice my thoughts, but look at me, that’s the only thing I do. The pain that pangs my heart when my true self is slowly dying. Everyone else likes me the way I am now, but I don’t.
I like myself as a public speaker and someone who like improvisation. But that’s the only form of speaking I get. It’s not uncommon for no one to understand me. No has truly transformed them for the worse like me.
I still wonder if I could ever change . Then I realize that I would have to listen to everyone else’s worries. Why is being an introvert a worry? Why is being who you want a worry? As long as you aren’t hurting anyone, it shouldn’t matter. I love myself the way I used to be, I despise myself for the way I am now, despise myself for being a victim of judgment, a victim of social stigma. When I could stand up for everyone else but myself.
To everyone reading this, never change yourself, you’re perfect the way you are and don’t let anyone say otherwise. It’s not too late for me to change, I will try, but I’m not hopeful, something that I should be at this point.